Confusing

Life is hard. it is suposed to be. when you care for and about others it makes that hard multiplied. when you feel and sence others.. and honestly care.. it multiplies the multiplied # by ten atleast.. it leads to do things such as setting up someone you like with your good friend... they end up together for a couple years, and your happy they are happy together. that works in life for so long. helping people, making others happy... it makes me happy to see others happy. but i have been realizing the last few weeks that there comes a point in life where you have to do something for yourself, and not think about others 1st. it sounds kinda mean maybe.. but sometimes you have to think of yourself too. new places, new faces. things are new around me everyday still, i have gotten much more involved in the new ysa ward. i have multiple callings and im loving every min. of it. my shell has been cracked and i can see my old self through those cracks. the lord knew what i needed to start to break that shell away, and he has helped me. even more amazing yet is the fact that he is helping me even more by bringing more people into my life in just the right way ... im sure if you ever read this you would know who you are. i feel like i have a purpose in life again. something that i couldnt say even 7 months ago. still helping people.. still caring.. but also sometimes (still seldom) but sometimes... doing things for myself as well. it is hard for me to know how to act around certain people, especially ones with negitive thoughts coming at me. i am learning on how to handle that.. in fact one person like that when i 1st moved in i can actually consider a friend now. we got through that. the last few days and nights have been amazing. i cant belive how great someone is.. just seeing a smile... thats all it takes. its pretty hard knowing things well before anyone else really should sometimes. especially when it comes to certain matters. i am thankfull for my good friends here and other places who have been there for me when i needed that help to get through those times of waiting. i am going to provo/salt lake tomarow.. i am really really excited about that. though alittle nervouse about a few aspects of that trip. i am sure things will go welll, i just hope that i can act right in the right situations. my sister is now engaged as well. that is who im going up there with her and her fiance. i am really happy for her, and proud of her for how well she is doing latly. life has really changed for my whole family in the past year or so. it is really amazing to look back and see each little stepping stone and event that has made me into the person that i am today. i am greatfull for those trials and hard times. .... like a butterfly in a cacoon. it has to struggle and fight for its life literally to break free of that cacoon, and then its so weak after breaking out and wet that it has to sit and dry out and recover. but beacuse of that battle inside the caccoon to get out it gives the butterfly the strength to live. if you were to cut the cacoon open and free the butterfly without the fight it would die very fast. it is amazing to me how true this is in life. the lord places trials and obstacles like that cacoon that we have to fight through with everything that we are. but once we get through.. rest and dry out.. we are strong enough to make it through the next thing to come in life. thanks again to everyone.. and especially i am gratefull for a new friend who has talked to me alot latly..