its been some time

it has been a little bit of time since i wrote anything here. Alot has been going on latly. I have met alot of new people, some of witch i am spending alot of time and effort in atempting to get to know better. It is really amazing to me how just when you think you have someone, or something in life figured out something happens to change how you feel or what you think about that. I now have 3 Callings with the church. I cant remember if i mentioned them before but they are all going great. I started to mix some things up with my mind so obviously in other places latly.. (thanks to a certain someone) but hopefully i can start to keep things straight again lol. The more i reflect and look back at somethings that have happened in my life, the more it makes me first of all thankfull. thankfull that i have no only survived through some of these things, but also thankfull that i was able to expeirence them and to grow from and through them. Even though some of them are and were so hard that even now talking about them i start to tear up a little. The hardest times in my life are the times that have truly made me the person i am today. I will never wish that any hardship ive faced to this point in my life never happened.. beacuse if it had not have happened i dont know who i would be right now. i belive that i have seen some of the highest of highs, and some of the lowest of lows in my life. The things that bother me most about each of those is that you never truly appriciate one without the other. I Finaly am starting to feel like for the 1st time in my life i understand who i am. I am in controll of things that at many times in my life i had no controll over. Certain feelings, and Certain thoughts. I am loving the people i am meeting out here. there are alot of really cool things about them. one or two in particular are absolutly amazing. There is just something about their spirit that i cant get over. i am around them and i cant help but leave feeling "wow" one time after being around one of these people i had to literally park my car and take a deep breath just so that i could make it home safe haha. well its almost 3am .. and i still cant sleep.. im suposed to play basketball with josh and some other people in 2 and a half hours or so but we have ZERO gas in the car right now and wont have any untill this afternoon so im not so sure if i will be able to go or not. probably not though :(. I went dancing again on tues. at the electric theater. it was alot of fun, and i really enjoyed being around the friends i went with. part way through the dance i was informed that a friend had died. that was REALLY hard on me.. i wasnt sure how to act or what to do or say. (i found out later that they had not in actuality died) it wasnt untill a guy i had not just met not to long ago noticed something was bothering me and took me aside to talk and make sure i was ok that i actually started to feel some what ok. Then right after that i walked back in and i saw Tali smiling.. and that honestly is the only reason i didnt break down right there in front of everyone. i am so thankfull that she was there that night, and she helped me more then i think she will ever really understand just by being there and talking to me and smiling. I faxed in a resume for a new job. it would be a really great opertunity for me, i really hope that i can get it. it would be working with bind and def children at a school as a teachers aid. i would be learning brail, and helping the kids out. its truly something i would love to do everyday. I think i am starting to consider some other options as far as a potential career path goes as well. All of them of course are aimed at the thought that i will be able to be around and spend alot of time with my future family, but still suport them finacially as well.