Alot on my mind right now...

So i have been watching the olympics alot this past week. that along with a few things i have learned about some friends from the past has got me thinking alot latly. A few friends i grew up with playing soccer on various teams, (highschool, club, tournament teams, ect) are trying out for profestional and semi pro teams really soon. a couple of them think i could make it if i got back into playing shape. When i lived in rexburg someone saw me playing and working on my shot and thought that i could make a tripple A team without much trouble. Now when i was younger i met alot of people who wanted to be famouse and rich and be a pro. whatever athelte. When i was younger i dreamed of playing pro soccer as well.. but i had completely different dreams and aspirations for it. Deep deep in my heart i wanted to make it as a pro soccer player one day in order to bring good to others lives. i wanted to make all that money so that i could use that money and the fame to help others and to donate to things. i allways was different from my friends in this way. i wanted to achvie greatness i wanted it i had a passion for the game and deep inside myself i knew i could do it. but the biggest reasons i wanted this was for the doors it would open to me to be able to help others. I find it strange to see others and think that they could read what i am saying now and not even comprehend what im saying. whenever i see a pro athlete, or someone who is famouse donate a large sum of money or time to helping someone else out without even any payment it just blows me away. i think that is the kind of person i want to be one day. Obviously people who know me know that i never got to that point in life. i never achived that greatness that would allow me to touch others. there are other ways that i have found that im abel to touch others. i hope that i have been able to take advantage of most opertuitys in my life to help others. i still wonder what i would have been able to acomplish if i had been able to reach that level.. that.. high of a place where others knew you and where you had the money to do wonderous things for others.

I have moved aroud alot in my life. Right now i live in sothern utah. Utah is the 7th state i have lived in, and i am only 20 years old. (almost 21.. In october) I have seen and met alot of different people. I never really have felt setteled or like i was going to be in any one place for very long in my life. This is the first place, and really time in my life that i think i have really felt actually settled anywhere i have lived recently. the song called " this is home" by switch foot really hits home for me right now. This is the first place i actually feel comfrotable in who i am. what i stand for, and who i stand for. The more people i meet, and see in all these places i have lived the more i realize how different i am from them. i try to be different in alot of ways. i just honestly want to be the best person i can, and really be the person that god wants me to be. im not trying to say im perfect by any means.. i have made many many mistakes. its just this desier to be a better person each day then i was the day before that gets me to try and act alittle different then the world normally would. i guess in that way you could call me a wierd person, but really im okay with being that kind of wierd. Another thing i have noticed about this place is that the friends im meeting and making actually do care about me. they demonstrate and show me just how much they do care almost daily. Aubrey especially when i got my concusion did something that not one of my other friends ever did when i was hurt in the past. she was constantly checking up on me to make sure i was okay.. i think there was only 2 days when i was hurting that i didnt see her here just wanting to see if im okay. At the point i got hurt again i was pretty upset and down on everything. in arizona i got a concusion and it ended friendships and everything else i had out there. Aubrey showed me that its okay to have faith in people again. she really doesnt understand how much just her being there if i needed anything helped me. i could have easily sunk back into my who cares attitude and went back to eating sleeping and being in my room all day and night and never doing anything again. I have gone through some hard times in my life. but being out herei have learned that certin people will actually be there for you when they say it. and its not just a common curtisy to them. or an auto responce when something goes bad.

im really not sure who is going to be reading this or who wont be. if anyone at all. i guess this is going to be more of a journal of some sorts for me. maybe i will print it off and put it in a note book too so that i have it offline too. but this is going to help me to keep track of some things and just get them off my chest. this place i am living right now is great, and i have met alot of really cool, and good people here. i just hope that i can continue to get better each day and be the person i truly feel that i can be on the inside.